Funny Patient's and Doctor's Quote | The ways to get cure by quote

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1.   I become faint and nauseous during even very minor medical procedures, such as making an appointment by phone.
- Dave Barry
2.    3. My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. 
- Ronnie Shakes
3.    A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams
4.     was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
- Rita Rudner
5.   Y O U R F L Y I S O P E N  would be a fun chart for an eye doctor.
- Greg Tamblyn
6.   Minor surgery is an operation performed on somebody else.
- (Anonymous)
7.     A scared look and a "let me go google that" is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist.
- Ericacanrant ‏@ericacanrant
8.   Why do they call it proctology? Is it because analogy was already taken?
- Aristotles ‏@AristotlesNZ
9.   The scrub sink...is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won’t get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus upholstery.
- Dave Barry
10.  What’s the difference between God and a surgeon?
God doesn’t think he’s a surgeon.
11.   My doctor’s office has a foolproof way to collect. You pay your bill before you leave or you don’t get your clothes back.
12.   General anesthesia is so weird. You go to sleep in one room, then wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like in college.
- Ross Shafer
13.  Finish last in your league and they call you “idiot.” Finish last in medical school and they call you “doctor.”
- Abe Lemons, basketball coach

14.  I went to a psychiatrist because I was hearing voices inside my head. They told me not to pay his bill.
- (from a cartoon by Chris Weyant)
15.   The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to just know.
- Will Rogers
16.  Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
- Jay Leno
17.  I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
- Jay London
18.  I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
- Groucho Marx
19.  The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
- Jay Leno
20.   told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
- Henny Youngman


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